Rock and Roll Girls

Even after the minimal amount of blogging I've done, you can spot a trend. I mention girls at least once a post. Like Lonesome George said, "I really really really, really really really like girls!" Here's my list of the hottest rock and roll girls:

Ann Margret – A rock-and-roll girl because she did Elvis flicks. Redheaded and curvy really works for me. I'm not a guy who rents movies just for nudity, but "Carnal Knowledge" certainly got the pause button pressed. And she is still gorgeous now.

Michelle Phillips of The Mamas & The Papas – She was just beautiful. I'd like to visit her Creeque Alley and ask her, "Who's yer Papa?"

Goldie Hawn on "Laugh-In" – You can't separate rock and 60s counter-culture. They're symbiotic. And Goldie go-go dancing with a stomach of slogans? Goldie, hun, sock it to me.

Goldie's daughter, Kate Hudson – Married a musician, Chris Robinson of the Black Crows, and stole "Almost Famous". Hold me closer, tiny dancer, and tell me how it's all happening.

Martha Quinn – Adorable and knew her shit. From when the M in MTV stood for something. I got in trouble with a girlfriend once for having a picture of her hanging in my locker at the radio station.

Ricki Lake in "Hairspray" – Super-cute. I can dance, and The Madison number blows me away. And I've always had a thing for chubbies. Fat-bottomed girls, you make my rocking world go 'round.

Alicia Silverstone – As a music video star, is responsible for Aerosmith's post-"Pump" success. She's so stinkin' cute, and, thinking of the "Amazing" video, sexy. And I think she was hot as Batgirl, but see the above listing.

And if we're mentioning the girls who brought the sex appeal to rock, well, Tawny Kitaen. I can still rub one out to "Here I Go Again." And she reprised it in Bowling For Soup's "1985."

Liv Tyler – Paired with Alicia in the video for "Crazy." Those lips. "Empire Records." And her father is one of the greats. And she grew up thinking her father was Todd Rundgren, a great musician AND producer (Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell"). Her mother was a legendary groupie...Mick Jagger tried claiming it was his kid.

Gwen Stefani – Loved her from "Tragic Kingdom." Wanted to take that forehead dot and carve my initials in a headboard with it. People have made a fuss about the "Hollaback Girl" video, about how she's too old to be acting this way. Hell, no, people. She makes me bananas – B-A-N-A-N-A-s.

Sheryl Crow – Has hung with The Stones and Kid Rock ("Picture" is in my Top 40 ever). Great, authentic guitarist/singer/songwriter, a rarity in women. Way too much attention is paid to her age. Sheryl, when cancer finally gets to Lance, I'm here for ya, and all I wanna do is have some fun.

Katherine Ross – "The Graduate" was one of the first rock-and-roll movies. And I'd certainly run off with Elaine to an uncertain future.

Phoebe Cates – because no piece of music will ever be as interwined with a visual as when she comes out of the pool to The Cars "Moving in Stereo" in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." An icon of adolescent male fantasy.

Joss Stone – Hot, and soulful, and can just sang. Aretha's the only soul singer who can hold a candle to her. And I love hips, and she's got them. But really she's too talented for me to objectify like this.

Tiffany – Mock me if you must. Granted she was pure pop, but she went back to the Beatles and Tommy James. My first concert (at an arena, not a mall). She was always cute and played kind of wholesome, but she's been in Playboy since and has a sexy edge to her. She looks better now than she did then, too.

Kelly Clarkson – although she looked better with the weight on. She can really sing, and she's trying with the second album not to be so poppish. And I've written a brilliant screenplay called "When Eric Met Kelly."

Joan Jett – The hottest of the hard rockers. I got a dime for your jukebox, baby.

Gina Gershon – Qualifies because she actually had a rock band that played the Strip. Did a movie and a documentary series ("Rocked") about it. Through her film career, numerous onscreen girl-on-girl kisses with those lips...Oh my god, those lips...What was I saying?

The Donnas – Chicks playing power chords = sexy. Making out with one of the Ramones couldn't happen. But these chicks are the Ramones with tits. If I woke up with a pair of their Chuck Taylors under my bed...

The most rock-and-roll TV show ever (that didn't feature live performances) would be "The Wonder Years." Olivia D'Abo, Kevin's hippie sister...Well, I'd 1969 with her anytime. BUT the prototypical girl-next door Winnie Cooper, played by Danica McKellar, may be my first love.

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Courtney Love – Hot in the skankiest sort of way, and I couldn't actually do her...A Hole I wouldn't fill.

Rachel Perry – Who I considered a VJ until VH1's Full Montyish reality show kicked off. She's cute and hot enough to turn me down, but no longer that rock-and-roll.

I was going to name a "real life" girl who I recently worked with and had a crush on despite the fact that I had declared I would not have a crush on any one at that job. She had a tongue piercing, rocked the studded belts, and had a way of wearing Dress Barn skirts with a jean jacket that kept some Sunset Strip cred. She liked the 80s hair bands like Crue or Poison. But I decided to keep her off the list. Why? Because I'm over it, and I don't want her to read this and think I'm not. Also, I don't want to give the impression that I'm not available.

There's still space on the list for you, ladies. "Your Name Here" is at the top.

As Elvis warbled, "I'm just a red-blooded boy and I can't stop thinking 'bout girls." Yeah, right, Elvis. Girls, and peanut butter and banana sammiches.